This past Monday, we saw Chris' new oncologist. Dr. Mmeka was kind, comforting, and warm. And we had the added bonus of our original MacMillan nurse, Mary Anne, being there as she is now a senior nurse specialist with MacMillan. Chris starts chemo next Wednesday, the 6th, not far from 3 years since he last started chemo.
We also had the pleasure of meeting Dr. Catherine Todd, one of the doctors at the Highland Hospice. She and Janette (our MacMillan nurse) stopped by yesterday so Catherine could meet us and find out more about us. Like everyone else we have met, she was warm and kind and appreciated not only the sadness of our situation, but the insanity that is Chris' sense of humour. (I have a feeling Janette may have prepared her for us.)
Chris will start on steroids tomorrow to try to bring down the swelling in his liver that is giving him a great deal of discomfort. Hopefully, once the steroids bring down the swelling and the chemo starts, he will begin to feel better. He is amazing - he is maintaining his humour and a certain level of what may be called irreverence. While he certainly has his down moments, he is trying so hard to be positive and I admire him for it. He does his best to keep me smiling. That being said, we know when we need to just hold each other and cry.
The rain I refer to in the title isn't just the rain (sleet, snow, hail, and wind) that presents itself on the other side of our windows. It refers to my tears. As I said to a friend, I have good days and bad days, but never one without tears. Nighttime is the worst - I put my head down on my pillow and my mind wanders to thoughts of sadness, to the thought of saying a final goodbye. And the reality of my life without my very best friend. The cancer is turning our lives upside down, but Chris, bless him, is doing his best to turn it into a carnival ride. From thoughts of staging his last moments like a Renaissance painting to imagining crazy ways to scatter his ashes, if it's dark humour, Chris is there.
|A wonderful portrait of Chris taken by Catherine, who is one of the only|
people allowed to touch Chris' camera!
For those who have never had the opportunity to meet my incredible husband, he is simply one of the kindest, most loving people ever. I count my blessings everyday that we found each other. He fills my heart with so much love and joy - as he does the hearts of everyone in his life. Caroline and family came down this past weekend and Catherine was rarely far from his side. She is aware of what is going on and, I dare say, she may be the one who will feel the most sadness when the time comes. She loves her Abba so much, and he loves her. And watching them together now is the most bittersweet experience I've known.
We will make it through this very tough journey that will end with a loss I can't begin to even process. Chris will make it the best it can be with his love, his courage, and his humour. I love him so much. Now Chris is more than just my husband, my lover, my soulmate, my best friend - now he is my hero, too.